Have you ever completed acting out a scene, presenting for a class, or participating in a sporting event; stopped and thought- I have no idea what just happened? Every time I step on the stage my nerves put me into "tunnel vision" mode. I rely entirely on the preceding weeks of preparation to get me through- the lines I've memorized are so ingrained that, despite my fear, I still deliver them. However, when I'm asked to improvise I panic and consistently draw mental blanks. My initial instinct is to quit, run away, and hide.
The inevitable rush of adrenaline that performance provides can cause one to fight (it may even lead to heightened senses) or panic and fly.
I've been trying to understand the core psychological causes of my reaction. After talking with Professor Philips I've concluded that I'm chronically afraid of failure. This desire to be perfect, in order to perform Commedia, must be overcome. Commedia's rehearsal process is based on a series of failures. Simply put, you have to be willing to put yourself on the line to be funny. It's a process of perpetual discovery. Of trial and error. I'm still deathly afraid to fail, but I'm going to push through.
How do you guys react to high stress situations? Do you fight or fly? How do you overcome fear?
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Be careful not to make it too personal. Most of us are afraid of failure, certainly myself included. At a high stakes institution like Wabash failure can have severe consequences. Nobody's looking to grow by getting an F in C&T.
ReplyDeleteIn theatre, though, the stakes aren't as grand, especially in the rehearsal room. Failure is often a great liberating experience as it can illuminate possibilities that wouldn't have been discovered without taking risks. The "Happy Accident" is the greatest friend an artist can have.
Everyone should see the rehearsal room as a safe place designed to encourage exploration. Yes, we'll eventually get to a point where the work needs to be polished, but in a good rehearsal period you should be able to try new ideas in a sort of safe room. If you can't be free or let yourself be free to discover new possibilities you're much more likely to create stale art, and believe me, the world has enough mediocre theatre.
Irimi. Choose death.
I can relate to what you are saying Spencer. I have found that when I try to rehearse in front of a larger group of people, I become really nervous. When we were in the process of Flea or Government Inspector, I was afraid sometimes to try different things because I felt as though whatever I would do would look stupid.
ReplyDeleteI believe that our rehearsals with Commedia has helped because there are only the two of us, but I already know that this will continue to be an ongoing struggle for years to come.